Don't Leave Me Alone — Mark Dunlop

Mark from the 2003 film “Love Actually”.

Forward:

When I started writing this piece, I was intending for it to come out to coincide with and support the release of my single “Don’t Leave Me Alone” in November 2019. Due to other projects I was working on at the time, I never got to complete this blog then.

Fast forward to April 2020, we live in a world that is in self-isolation. Prior to this coronavirus period, it’s not a term I would have used very often. But I used it in this blog. I thought about trying to rewrite this blog to suit the current times, but the artist in me wants to convey the true heart of this piece which explores what it means to be alone.

So please keep in mind, should you read on, I’m not talking about self-isolation that is government-mandated or for health purposes. But nevertheless, perhaps some of this blog will apply to our times, even though I only started writing this about 5 months ago.

So dear reader, I hope that you’ll join me in this piece: don’t leave me alone 😉

MD

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Angry.
Ashamed.
Alone.

Which one of these words is the most provoking?

The most powerful?
The most primitive?
The most profound in sensation?

The truth is I’m not sure. But I’m going to take a punt at the word “alone”. In my limited experience, I’ve felt all three of those emotions at some point. But in my opinion, the most tangible, the most lasting is the sense of aloneness.

That being said, there are degrees of aloneness.

One can feel alone in a wooden cabin in the middle of seemingly nowhere.

One can feel alone in a crowded cabin in an aeroplane miles high in the atmosphere.

On one hand, aloneness in a seemingly counterintuitive way fosters connectedness. Being alone in nature can conjure up a sense of wonder, of awe. It can reorient the problems we face in everyday life and remind of you of your place in this world.

Aloneness can bring clarity of mind. Withdrawing to be alone can settle the soul dust from the noise of the crowd and the muddle of a mind with too many tabs open.

Aloneness can even refresh your spiritual connection. Intentional focus on God in moments of aloneness recalibrates the soul. Jesus himself regularly withdrew from the crowds to pray to His Father (Luke 5:16). (See more on this on my previous blog, “The Hiding Place”)

Regular short periods of aloneness enhance our mental wellbeing and our faith-life and fine-tune us to appreciate the intricate beauties found in this world we call home.

Yet at the same time, there seems to be a dark side evident in some forms of aloneness.

The writer of Proverbs says it this way:

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.” (Proverbs 18:1, NKJV)

Intentional aloneness for renewal is refreshing.
Intentional aloneness for self-isolation is unwise.

All of us at times have the propensity to want to do this. To run away.

Run far away from everything and everyone.

And I’ve observed within myself and from watching and interacting with the lives of others, this happens for a multitude of motivations, some with good roots and some that aren’t so much:

- Feelings of being trapped or being capped

- The desire for a new beginning or fresh slate

- The need to impress others

- Self-protection from others

- Self-protection from self

- Confrontation within self

- Confrontation with others

- Reluctance to take on responsibility or maturation of self

- Offense and wounded relationships

- Avoidance of vulnerability in relationships

- Being caught out or found out

- Embarrassment

- Feelings of being judged or being misrepresented

- Feelings of being misunderstood

- Anger

- Guilt

- Shame

We think that ourselves and others will benefit if we’re better off alone. The character, Mark, (you know, the one who’s creepily in love with his best friend’s wife) from the film Love Actually sums it up well when confronted with the truth: “it’s a… self-preservation thing, you see.”

This form of self-preservation is actually a form of self-decay. And it’s not like we don’t know this. We inherently know that cutting ourselves off from our loved ones is a bad idea. Yet the idea of running away from our problems continues to tempt and appeal.

Even when we know we’re loved by those around us and the communities we find ourselves in.

We know the pangs of loneliness and the sense of profound sadness and disconnectedness it brings. But somehow this still presents itself a better option than dealing with our stuff.

I wrote a song called “Don’t Leave Me Alone” around this sentiment. And the title, the catchcry, comes from Psalm 51:11.

“Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.”

David is essentially praying “God. Don’t leave me alone”.

To understand this song, we have to understand the story from which it was written. Here’s the recap of the story:

David started out as the underdog kid who shepherded forgotten fields who ended up slaying Goliath to become a national hero. This same hero then gets villainised by the government who happens to be his Father-in-law. After many years on the run, David becomes King of Israel. Wise, righteous, passionate, “man after God’s own heart” David.

Then this same David sees a beautiful naked woman on a rooftop, who also happens to be married, and then proceeds to make one of the worst impulse decisions of his life. He sleeps with her and to cover his tracks, sends her unknowing and loyal-to-the-crown husband to the frontlines of battle to die.

He’s the King of Israel! David is meant to be the wise, righteous king. His reputation would be in tatters if the people found out about the magnitude of his mistakes. So he diplomatically marries this woman a while after and she becomes pregnant with his child

Fear, guilt and shame have a way of closing you in. Of making you feel there’s very few people, if any, that you can trust. Of making you feel isolated. Alone. Which can tempt you to make some very unwise or dark choices indeed, sometimes in the name of ‘self-preservation’.

Whilst he’s in this emotional cage of his own making, Nathan the prophet comes to the King and confronts him (you can check out this high-stakes showdown in 2 Samuel 12). David thinks he’s covered his tracks, but God sees through his ruse.

Nathan lets David know that God hasn’t been fooled and that He indeed knows what’s been going on. Exposed, David immediately says, “I have sinned against the Lord” (2 Sam 12:13).

And it’s in this moment after Nathan confronts David, that David pens the song now known as Psalm 51.

One of the things that strikes me about David is how honest he is with God throughout the songs he writes, and this one is no exception. And here is the catchcry:

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.”
Psalm 51:11-12, NKJV

“God! Please don’t leave me alone!”

David knew well enough that he didn’t have to pretend with God. He knew that God isn’t particularly impressed with the accolades we collect and put on show for others to see. God was well aware of what he had done.

I’m sure a million more questions or emotions could have been rushing through David’s mind. But thankfully there is a God that isn’t afraid of you. He’s not afraid of your sin, shame, mistakes, doubts or your insecurities.

After David confesses his sin to Nathan, Nathan replies. “…The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.””

Forgiven, not forsaken. When David made his honest plea to the Lord, this was the outcome. The Lord found Him there.

There was some consequences that stemmed from these poor judgments; the child borne from this situation did not live. But God, being the God who can turn any situation for good – including one that involved adultery and murder – let David and Bathsheba have another son. We know him as Solomon, one of the wisest and wealthiest kings of the time.

David was summed up to be “a man after God’s own heart”. He knew God to be alongside him in the good and in the bad. Perhaps this is why he penned this section of another song, Psalm 139, this way:

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:7-12 (NKJV)

He would never be alone. Whether on the wings of the dawn, on the far side of the sea, in the light or in the dark – David knew he would never be alone.

And no matter where you find yourself; whether you’re on the run from community, on the run from yourself or even on the run from God, what you need to know is

You’re never really alone.

Help is only one call away. Help is only one prayer away.

When the dark is in fight.
When your soul is in flight.
When you’re running from the truth.
God will never leave you alone, and He never will.

You can listen to Mark’s single, “Don’t Leave Me Alone” here on Spotify or on any streaming music platform of your choice. “Don’t Leave Me Alone” is also available on iTunes.